We’ve been back for a few months. Praying, waiting, seeking God’s direction. I didn’t mean to leave the blog with the cliffhanger of “The Voices in Your Head”, but shortly after that entry things went horribly wrong at the church we were serving.
Elders, deacons and church members spoke some of those exact words I had typed in April. Those voices became real. And there’s no way they read the blog; only my Other Half knows about it.
But that’s not the problem. We’ve had worse said and done to us. We’re grown-ups. We can take it. The real problem was that they used those words to justify their next step, which was to take the church down a very unBiblical path. And the membership made their stand firm.
We knew resigning was our only option, but what made it so hurtful was that, in leaving that church, it effectively killed our immigration permission. Due to new laws, we had to leave, seek another ministry opportunity in the mission country and then attempt to reenter later, resetting all permission back to the beginning. And those new laws have become ultra-restrictive to any new missionaries.
Almost 5 years of ministry stopped in what felt like a heartbeat. We had to return back to the States, completely unplanned and unprepared. It was (and still is) awkward, uncomfortable and left us pretty emotionally drained. But the most interesting part was in the leaving. » Read the rest of this entry «
On the mission field you see a lot of things, hear a lot of things, feel a lot of things. But the hardest thing to overcome is the voices in your head.
You know what I’m talking about. They’re not audible (we’re not talking schizophrenia here), they don’t make logical sense, but they’re always there. Hanging on your every hang-up, weakness, and self-doubt, those voices know exactly how to get to you. And even though there’s no actual proof for 99% of it, you just feel that it’s so believable.
Oh, I had those voices before. Before I was a Christian, before I entered missions. I think—I know—a lot of people hear these voices, too. It’s just being human. But stepping onto Satan’s territory, the volume goes up. Way up. And the attacks are much more precise, delving deeper into your psyche than ever before. There they are, lurking at every turn, sometimes so out of the blue that it almost literally knocks the wind out of you. » Read the rest of this entry «
“Well, you must be there because you have such a love for the people.” I never know how to respond to that comment.
It’s usually after the complaintive statement about why the person thinks it would be so awful to live in our mission field (or outside of America in general). “But the weather’s so bad!”, “How do you deal with the lack of product choice?”, or “Why would you give up such good opportunities in the States?” are the most typical precursors.
A while back, we were invited to visit some fellow Americans in another part of this country during our vacation time. They are Christian, yet their primary reason for being in the country is secular work. We had asked about what there was to do as a tourist in their city, and the reply was interesting:
“Here’s a list of historical and religious sites in the area. We figured since you’re missionaries and you have such a love for these people, you must want to focus on those things during your vacation here.”
Uh, no, actually we were curious about regular tourist stuff and, while that could include a museum or church, we’re more the foodie type. And shopping. And entertainment. Or even walking the countryside. You know, being somewhat normal in modern society. When I let them know this (albeit in much less sarcastic tones), they sounded disappointed. We just wanted some time off and to have fun. It became clear that we weren’t living up to that “Missionary Superhero” stereotype. » Read the rest of this entry «
While the context is business entrepreneurship, John Doerr makes some interesting comparisons in this video from Stanford. I feel his description of missionary is very favourable, and it made me think in the Christian context, “Are some missionaries more like mercenaries?” The reason I say that is, if you pause the video at 1:04, there’s a comparison list. And it saddens me to say that I have encountered some mercenaries on the field, just replace “money” with “numbers” or “personal glory”. Thoughts?
Because we’ve just come out of the “Time-To-Visit-The-Family Season”, this is the point that your choice to be in the mission field becomes crystal-clear as the sacrifice it is, even in this time of Skype and Twitter and Facebook, etc. We couldn’t be there for Thanksgiving, and it’s just not the same 5,000 miles away. We also couldn’t be there for several funerals during our time in the field, and we’ve missed graduations, milestone birthdays, anniversaries, too. It can be easy to feel a bit sorry for yourself come November and December, and it’s so important to be on guard about it. I had somewhat anticipated this would happen, but I really didn’t appreciate that my sacrificial decision as a missionary has caused others to sacrifice, too, whether they wanted to or not. » Read the rest of this entry «
