Comments on: I’m Not There: Why the Missionary Can’t Have It Both Ways

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:01:34 +0000

@Tara: I’m sorry to hear of the relationship difficulties you’ve faced. The only resources I know would be for the National Network of Parents of Missionaries at http://www.pomnet.org/ and for grown missionary kids leaving the field, http://michelephoenix.com/mk-tck-resources/. I hope these help, God bless you and your work in Haiti.

By: Tara Livesay

Tara Livesay — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 16:24:35 +0000

Hi -
I google searched “Missionaries and relationships” to end up on your blog. We moved six years ago and have had to face the fact that our family is hurt by our being here. We had a really rough 2010 (after the earthquake in Haiti) and some relationships actually got worse in the time we were in the USA. I am wondering if you know of resources that deal directly and honestly with this stuff and if you know of support for parents that have kids abroad AND for support of grown kids that leave their parents/field to go to college.

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:34:46 +0000

@Gene: I agree. The people I witnessed seemed to be trying in vain to keep up friendships as if they were still there, a kind of “have my cake and eat it, too”. I think people mistake Social Networking as Social Friendship/Relationship when, in this scenario, it’s really more like Social PR.

By: Gene Daniels

Gene Daniels — Mon, 31 May 2010 13:56:49 +0000

My family has been on the field for more than 12 years now, and my wife and I have talked about this several times.

Many missionaries seem driven to stay connected to a degree that demonstrates either fear of being forgotten by people at home (financial support base) or a new culture avoidance pattern.

Either way, this can be very unhealthy. Perhaps we need to include the amount of time we spend on social networking with people at home in the conversations we have with accountablity partners.

This would help us gain an objective perspective from someone we know and trust.

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 21:28:09 +0000

@Naomi: It’s a tough balance, because I’d never encourage someone to cut off ties completely, yet today’s communication makes it too easy to feel like you’re keeping up with those back home. It’s something each person might have to decide on limits to keep it in check.

By: Naomi Bogosian

Naomi Bogosian — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:34:23 +0000

Wow, very intriguing. I actually never thought of communication in this light. As a long-term (life) missionary myself currently stationed in the Philippines, I find your words all too true. The fact that short term missions has become a very acceptable trend, i think, plays into the whole communication theory as well. People are too connected with their home town/country and consequently they become more and more unwilling to endure the hardship of being separated from them as they are constantly reminded of (bombarded with)their old life and old relationships which communication won’t let them be weened of. Communication, something which seems like such a blessing is also a very subtle and yet a very real and damaging temptation for inexperienced, uncommitted missionaries. very good insight.

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:26:48 +0000

@Debtor Paul: Communication can be a great thing–in moderation. Many of the missionaries I referenced did not appear to realise the imbalance was making it harder to commit to where they were. It’s just something to be aware of.

@Justin: Good thoughts. Because some of these communication tools are newer, I wonder if mission agencies address these issues when training new missionaries.

By: Justin Long

Justin Long — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:59:19 +0000

It was a huge challenge to us when we were on the field. One way to balance it was to say there is work time, there is home time, there is sleep time. Home communications were done during home time, but even that had to be balanced, because some of home time was spent in local friendships too. If you find it seriously challenging, then I would suggest considering setting hard % limits in order to discipline yourself.

By: Debtor Paul

Debtor Paul — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:46:15 +0000

Thank you for the post. I am preparing now for the field, and I am intensely interested in communication capabilities. Not only have I realized that I can be too connected when I am home (facebook, IM, Skype, etc.), but I have realized that this could be a big problem on the field. I appreciate your insight here.

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 09:35:11 +0000

@Grady: It is a balance and a struggle, which is why I let my other half deal with the Facebook account!