Comments on: Missionary? Not My Kid: When Your Parents Don’t Approve

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:35:25 +0000

@Diane: If you look over the comments, the majority of the issues are parents saying “no” to missions anytime/anywhere for varied reasons. Yes, it is possible that his passion is being cloaked in “the call”, and I have met people who have hid behind that; however that doesn’t mean that all people hide behind it. As a missionary who was not sent by a missions board (instead directly by our church) and our oversight was less than we would have preferred, I can’t see how that automatically invalidates a “call”.

Without details about how his mission work is not being done “God’s way”, it’s hard for me to say. Perhaps you can schedule a time with your clergy to discuss this and seek their counsel.

By: Diane

Diane — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:25:48 +0000

What’s your take on a situation where I accept the idea of my son being called as a missionary (he is currently serving in Honduras); I just don’t believe that the particular work he’s doing over there is really God’s will for him or being done in God’s way. He’s not with a missions board or anything to guide or oversee him. Isn’t it possible that the specific work he’s doing is more a result of his own passions rather than a direct call from God? Why is it always the assumption that whatever missions work someone decides to undertake is always “from God”, and that those who question or oppose it are fighting God’s will on a loved one’s life?

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:47:31 +0000

@Tom: I agree, both about some parents feeling that sacrifice is only something for Jesus to do, and about some parents not willing to release their adult kids to God’s service. The only thing I can come up with is prayer and having to accept that you’re following God first, parents second.

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:11:45 +0000

@Adam: It depends; I usually have to ask why they feel that way and answer to that. If they feel the 10/40 window is better because it’s more efficient (“I can send 3 missionary families for what it takes to support you in Western Europe”), I ask if God mandates that we only send missionaries where it’s most efficient and ignore legitimate personal callings based on money issues alone.

If they feel that missionaries should only go where there’s a harvest at the moment (“Nothing much is happening in Western Europe, you know”), I will generally agree that the bulk should be sent to labor. However, I then ask, using the farm analogy, what about the handful who need to break the soil, prepare the fields, and plant the seeds for eventual harvest? I believe it will come to Western Europe, perhaps in our lifetime, but I don’t understand ignoring it until then.

If they want to reach only unreached people groups (“Hey, Europe already had it’s chance with the Gospel”), I let them know that our mission country is still <1% Evangelical Christian, clearly within the definition for unreached people group. I also ask them about the logic of not presenting the Gospel to today’s European teens and young adults, who were not raised in believing homes; they’re implying that, because somewhere several generations back a generation was Christian, they’ve had their shot and missed out today.

And, if they think a missionary can only serve non-white people who are destitute and speak another language than English (this I’ve encountered the most, by the way), I ask them where those parameters came from. What few replies I’ve received have been, “Well, that’s what the missionaries that presented in my church usually do.”

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 07:34:45 +0000

Thanks for all the contributions to this post. My family is currently serving in East Asia. We are just about to finish our language training, and will be moving on to another city most likely. My parents who are Christians and have really never been verbally supportive (though supportive in other ways), just got used to the life and place where we currently live. Now we are about to change all that. They are going though another very difficult adjustment all over again, and are very opposed. Even though they have gone to church for over 20 years, they don’t have a concept that we are to be living sacrifices (their reply, “That’s something Jesus does for us, that’s not our responsibility”). Lastly, I’ve always believed that parents of missionaries will never really be supportive or understand what their children are doing until they themselves are called. In other words, just like their children who are on the field, the parents need just as equal a calling to release their children to God’s service.

By: Adam

Adam — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 04:42:11 +0000

noticed some of your comments in the responses regarding feeling looked down upon for not serving in the 10/40 and am curious about what your response is to people who say that? Thanks.

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:18:29 +0000

@Dave: I’m sorry that you are facing your parents’ disapproval. In regards to our unexpected return, they’re ecstatic that we’re back and have become much more interactive.

By: Dave

Dave — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 12:57:48 +0000

I realize this is an old post, but wanted to comment anyway.

My wife and I have an opportunity to go full-time in Central America. Her parents are Christians, and will ultimately be supportive, I believe.

My parents, however, are not believers. I doubt that they will understand the desire to serve God above all else. It is hard because they know enough of the BIble to understand the “honor you father and mother” bit, but not enough to realize that the highest expression of that is to give ourselves to whatever path God would have us go down. It is also made more difficult by the fact that my siblings are very immature with some special needs, so my wife and I, in my oparents eyes, are the ones that have “made it.” It would be hard for them for us to leave…

I am also curious, if you are inclined to share, what you parents thought when you were forced to return home. Has that helped or hurt the relationship?

By: C. Holland

C. Holland — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 20:09:13 +0000

@Claire: It’s hard for me to say if your parents are “too controlling”, and it’s also difficult to determine how parents/family will react to mission work. However, I do believe you should do what God is calling you to do, though it may be difficult. Keep asking Him for direction on how to decide.

By: Claire

Claire — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 06:35:35 +0000

This is interesting. I have over the past year and a half felt that God might be calling me to the mission field soon. I’m not afraid of hard work and God has given me a surprising calmness about leaving everything behind for him. But my parents. They are in extreme objection to the idea, mind you I’ve never told them that I feel this might be God’s call on my life but just from the way they talk. Missions is for men, though they don’t say it in those words they certainly believe it. Women should stay at home with their parents until marriage, and when they stay at home they mean no job, no coffee with friend, no birthday parties with Christian friends, no going places on my own, no staying with my married sister, no just calling her up and talking on the phone, and it doesn’t get any better day by day. Here’s my questions, almost out of my teenage years are my parents too controlling? If they have this attitude how will they react if I want to be a missionary? Should I go anyway?